In all my years living here, one of my favorite parts of the local weekly paper is the police report.

This week (besides the usual driving without a license, speeding, no insurance and minor drug possession) we had the following incidents of note:

June 12 - Suspicious Conditions. Motorist reports seven-year-old child walking west on Highway 42 with a green jeep following him. The occupants advised [the police officer] that he was just mad and wouldn’t get back in the car.

I remember when I was about 7 getting that mad , storming off and walking home (about 4 miles). To add insult to injury, my parents offered my some carrots as they drove by on the way home. It wasn’t until years later that I found out they were watching me the whole time!

June 13 - Report of loud music at residence on Roseburg Road. Dog at that location has been loose and is attempting to bite people. Music turned down; dog inside residence.

Wednesday night partying. Better get that dog to bed!

June 13 - Report of a woman who is threatening another woman with a baseball bat. Situation resolved; not as reported.

Good thing it wasn’t as reported. Maybe they were playing softball?

June 15 - Two girls are riding skateboards down Spruce Street on their backs shortly after 7 pm. Handled by police.

On their backs!? I only wish there had been a picture of that one.

I do so love reading the local Police Report. It makes me feel considerably more safe when these are the issues the police need to address.